Don, Kim, Olive, Amy, and Barbara
Amy and I met almost 10 years ago in Columbus, Ohio when we were both working at the local LGBT Community Center. We dated for a few years, then moved in together, and over that time I got the chance to meet Amy's parents, Barb and Don, her sister Jodi, and her large extended family who were all living in New York.
Attending a "family Thanksgiving" with 100 relatives (probably a third were age 8 and under) was very overwhelming in the beginning of our relationship. I thought it would be weird, people wouldn't know how to act toward me, and I would be nervous. But what ended up overwhelming me was the fact that we were treated as a couple, no different than other heterosexual couples. Now, that was weird to me. And it wasn't a fluke. We went on a camping trip with around 70 cousins, aunts, and uncles the next summer and it was the same—everyone accepted me, and accepted us as a couple.
I found out fairly soon that the acceptance I experienced was largely due to the groundwork laid by Barb and Don. Not that the relatives aren't great people, but Barb and Don had already had the conversations, answered the questions, and explained the issues that made everyone comfortable and helped the family continue to be a safe, welcoming, and nurturing place for their daughter. And I got to take advantage of it too!
A year and a half ago, Amy's sister Jodi got engaged. An event that should be only joyful was dampened for Jodi because she felt sad that her sister and I could not celebrate our commitment in the same way. At their rehearsal dinner, Jodi made a tearful speech saying how stupid it is that all loving couples do not have the right to marry. She and her husband to be, Mark, wanted me, as Amy's partner, to be an important part of the wedding so they asked if I would become ordained and officiate their wedding ceremony. I was happy to do so, and now we joke that I can marry other couples but I can't get married myself (at least not in New York—yet).
Now, Amy and I have this family as a safe, welcoming, and nurturing place for our daughter. When we decided to have a baby, the plan was always to move to New York and raise our child here. Olive was born in Columbus and we moved to Syracuse a month or two before her first birthday. Now she gets to see Grandma and Papa every day, and the rest of the family is a short trip away. I work for Sage Upstate, a community organization for LGBT seniors, and Barb and Don are part of the local chapter of PFLAG, so we get to be a family in our activist lives too.
I imagine that Olive will face people in her life who will tell her that she doesn't belong. I am so thankful that our family will always offer her a contradiction to that.
Kim